Best resume ever!

Will you hire this guy? Please note his skill with a Lexmark printer. He's really very detail with his resume.

Profile
I have the ability to use Microsoft word, Excel, and power point. I have been a Microsoft word Certified assistant in Microsoft word. Excel attended a business &
Administration in Drums, Pennsylvania and Diploma HS
Graduate. Participate in Computer activities graphic designs
Typing memorandums paragraphs and words also to seek
Employment in administrative assistant with knowledge
Of using Microsoft word.

Employment skills
P In Administrative Assistance
P Lowest I will expect Salary 75,000 to 85,000 yearly
P Pay rate $12.50 to $13.00
P 5 Years Microsoft word certified

Work history
January 2006 - Recent
November 2004 – Present
Target Stores
Forestville MD, 20747
(301-778-1651)
Position Sales Team member:
P Assist guest on prices for items.
P Listen to managers rules and follow supervisor’s directions.
P Listen to advice, and answer questions that guest ask me in a discussion.
P Help guest identify the difference in two different brand name items with two different prices; give them a good idea why they should buy that item.
P Prepare for head quarter visits listen to the managers and supervisors instructions on keeping the store clean and helping the sales move.
P Keeping a nice smile, and being helpful to guest.
P Helping guest find an item in the store and finding a price for it.

Education
Vocational Trade Center
July 2000- October 2002 Keystone Job Corps Center
Drums, Pennsylvania 18222
GPA: 4.0
Business & Administrative assistant graphic design
Microsoft word Certified, excel, and power point.
High school diploma,
Graduate with a Diploma.
Microsoft Word Certified

Microsoft Skills
P I have knowledge of using a Lexmark Printer that has a Scan/Copier inside Click on the file menu and print. Scan Documents by clicking scan, and Copier
P Use of opening applications on a personal computer
P I have the ability to type a Memorandum, at the rate of 37 to 45 words per minute.
P Using Mail Merge on Microsoft word, go to tools, letters and mailing.
P I have the knowledge of using a telephone by dialing the area code and seven digit number and communicating on an answering machine system.
References Available upon request.

Source: What would Dad Say
Tags: funny resume job seeker